Healthy Anger Gives Strength to Make Positive Changes
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the June 13, 2005 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

What is healthy anger?

Mike,

I live in a small New England town with my wife and two daughters. We really enjoy living here, however lately I have found myself becoming extremely angry about the town services, especially the school department. Our property taxes are extremely high and completely out of line in comparison to the services provided. I believe we could be getting a much better bang for our buck!

The problem is my wife is becoming upset with me; she says that it is not right that I let myself get angry over this issue. She keeps saying the town officials are doing their best, that I should be grateful for their services. Her statements are putting me on a guilt trip. Could you suggest something that would prevent the angry feelings I am experiencing?

David

David,

Hold on a minute here; let's look at these feelings of anger you are having. Once we do that then you can decide if you really want to prevent them from occurring.

Remember anger is an emotion, and as with all emotions experiencing them is fully justified. We experience anger as a form of self-preservation, in order to survive in the world that we live in. Anger can be the emotional energy we experience when we desire to be creative or to change a situation. If you did not allow yourself to become angry it would be impossible for you to create change.

I believe what you are experiencing now is called "Healthy Anger" which is a form of anger that provides you the strength to change something you perceive as wrong or unjust. Remember all anger is not bad; anger does not have to be something that is looked upon as hostile or violent. You should however be mindful that healthy anger may not look and sound or feel like the anger you are accustomed to; therefore it may seem a little confusing at first.

What your wife is expressing is her opinion of the situation, which she is fully entitled too. Anger Management Rule #2 states, "It is ok to have a different opinion". This rule applies to you also; in your opinion taxes are higher than the services you receive warrant.

Should you look to prevent these feelings you're having? I would not recommend you do that because it sounds like you believe in your opinion and therefore should express it.

Use the energy the healthy anger provides you to present your own plan to the town fathers. If that does not work you could look at running for town office, thus giving you an official voice and platform to move your ideas forward.

Keep in mind that you are doing this for the good of all the taxpayers in town. This is not me vs. them situation; don't let it get personal. This will show your wife you have respect for the town fathers and the hard work they do; you just differ with them in philosophy. Remember the old saying: if there is a problem you have two choices, do nothing and become part of the problem or do something and become part of the solution.

Healthy anger goes on all the time in our lives; without it we would never survive. Experiencing healthy anger does not require you to become enraged or out of control with someone or something. It does however require you to move forward and express your feelings in a positive and mature manner.

Have a question about your anger? Email Mike Hayden at Stressunit@aol.com or write to him at: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, P.O. Box 1477, Lowell, Mass. 01853.