Look at the big picture
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the February 21, 2005 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

MIKE: I am a firefighter who was disciplined by the chief for allegedly being insubordinate to my captain. I received a three-day suspension without pay, and was ordered to do something about my anger. This is not the first time I have been disciplined for losing my cool.

In the incident in question, the captain, after meeting with the chief, told me I was being assigned the duty of stripping the squad bay floors in preparation for waxing. He then walked away. The next thing I knew, I am in his face screaming at him that it was not my turn. He ordered me to stop arguing and get the task done. However, I was in such a rage I just kept screaming at him. He told me to punch out and go home and that someone from the chief's office would be in touch with me.

Can you tell me a better way of dealing with situations like this?

ED the firefighter

ED: First of all, the anger you are feeling may have been justified, but it is the response to the anger that got you in trouble. When responding to your feelings of anger, you have to develop a technique to control yourself. And that technique must have rules.

The first rule of anger management is "Stop and Look at The Big Picture."

Looking at the big picture requires us to step back and consider all the circumstances surrounding the situation. The way we do that is by using "time management" - it is the time between the event and your reaction to it. This is important because many times in life we react to a situation before taking time to assess what is happening. Therefore, the result of reacting without understanding the big picture is often negative. For example, harsh words, which can never be taken back, may be spoken. Taking time to understand the entire situation can prevent such problems.

Anger can be generated in yourself and those around you when you react too quickly to situations that are not fully understood. If you had taken time to look at The Big Picture, you might have understood that the captain was only following orders from the chief. Or maybe the captain did not realize that it was not your turn to strip the floors. Or if he did know, maybe you could have asked him to explain his reasoning for assigning the duty to you again.
Looking at The Big Picture through the time management technique would have allowed you to present your side of the argument in a more professional and calm manner. Such an approach might have resulted in a better solution. If nothing else, you would have saved yourself a disciplinary hearing and three days without pay, not to mention all the anxiety and grief that come with flying into an angry rage.

Remember Rule No. 1: Stop and look at The Big Picture and use good time management. It will pay benefits in the end.

Next, we'll see how looking at The Big Picture can show you what the other person's real motive is.

Have a question about your anger? Email Mike Hayden at Stressunit@aol.com or write to him at: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, P.O. Box 1477, Lowell, Mass. 01853.