Activist should take heed of parents' feelings
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the April 12, 2010 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I am 25 years old and live with my parents in a medium-sized town in New Hampshire that has very high property taxes. I'm watching my parents struggle to pay their taxes in a home they have owned for years. It's becoming more difficult for them each year.

Last year, a neighbor was putting together a group of residents to try to fight these ever-rising taxes. He approached our family to join. My parents declined but I joined. I have participated in meetings, informational picketing, petition drives -- whatever they have asked.

Well, my parents are "old school" and they're afraid the town fathers will become upset with our family and will see them in a bad light. I tried to explain to them that I was just thinking of their best interest. However, they keep saying that I am too angry and that all I am doing is causing problems for everyone.

I know that I am angry and I have no problem admitting that, but I think my anger is justified. I do not believe the people running the town have the taxpayers' best interests at heart. Not only am I sticking up for my parents, I also think that as an only child this property will probably be mine someday, so I have a vested interest here as well.

I am feeling very guilty because my parents are upset with my involvement. They say the fact that I live in their house has a direct effect on how they are seen in the town. While I don't want to upset my parents, am I wrong for being angry over the taxes and am I wrong for what I am doing about it? -- Jack

DEAR JACK: First of all, you are never wrong for feeling angry about anything. Feeling angry is not the problem; the response sometimes is. Personally, I agree with your response to the situation. Joining the group and getting involved is certainly a great way to bring about change.

However, when you look at the big picture, you can see your parents' reasoning. It sounds like they were brought up in a time when you complained but did not dare to do anything beyond complaining. While this method never gets anything accomplished, you have to understand it is their house and they are the ones paying the taxes.

Rather than hurting your relationship with them by trying to get them to change their minds, think about getting a place in town of your own. This way, you could stay involved with the group and at the same time not make your parents feel the heat of others looking down at them. Let your parents and everyone else know that this is you speaking and acting independently and not speaking for your parents. This should help relieve some of their worry. You might also consider putting your name on the ballot for town office. This would give you more power to bring about change. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.