Kids act up and mom accuses baby-sitting friend of abuse
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the April 19, 2010 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: About a month ago my girlfriend of many years called me to ask if I would baby sit her two young daughters while she and her husband went to a function. I will tell you that I am 35 years old, single and have not had much, if any, experience with young children; however, I said why not.

Wow what a mistake this was! The children (girls 5 and 7 years old) were a handful to say the least. Before leaving, mom sat them down and told them what she expected from them. Bedtime was 8 pm and no later; if they behaved they could have ice cream before bedtime.

Mom and Dad had no sooner walked out the door and these two seemingly gentle likeable girls turn into something from a horror movie. They started running around the house screaming and yelling; they refused to listen to me at all. After about a ½ hour of this, I finally exploded and screamed at the top of my lungs for them to sit down on the couch and be quiet. Well they did return to the couch but now it was "you can't tell us what to do, you're not our mother." I finally got sick of listening to them and marched them both off to bed without any ice cream and let them cry themselves to sleep.

Mom and Dad returned home several hours later and asked me how it went. Regrettably I said, "Oh it was fine the girls were great", thinking I did not want to upset them because it seemed like they had a really nice evening. Well the next day I received a phone call from my girlfriend and she proceeded to go up one side of me and down the other about abusing her children. She even went so far as to threaten to call Children's Services on me for abuse. She would not let me get a word in, she just keep screaming at me. I have not heard a word from her since then. I feel horrible about this, but honestly other than making them go to bed without ice cream, I did nothing to these kids.

My question is: do I owe my girlfriend an apology? Or should I just let it go. -- Alice

DEAR ALICE: There is an apology owed here; however, it is not by you but by the mother and her two young daughters who were acting like little spoiled brats. The way I see it is you had all the right in the world to become angry with these two girls and the action you took was completely appropriate. You stated previously that the mother stated "Girls, you can have ice cream -- if you behave.

I am not sure what the girls told the mother in the morning; however, as a responsible adult she had the duty to investigate what went on and at the very least get your side of the story. Instead she elected to automatically take the word of two children over the adult she whom she left in charge.

I would suggest that you sit down and write her a letter telling your side and also let her know that you are disappointed and hurt that she did not have the courtesy to hear you out. I would then wait for her to respond to you, because she is the one who should be apologizing.

Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.