Teen's rage and reputation for fighting drawing him into trouble
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the March 8, 2010 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I am 16 years old and a junior in high school. I have always been very athletic, playing football and baseball and wrestling, as well as other sports, so I am always in pretty good physical shape. I have developed a reputation of being a tough guy -- or at least that's what my friends say.

It seems like I am in a fight at least once a week. Other kids seem to come looking for me to fight because they want to prove something. My friends keep telling me how cool it is that I beat everyone who challenges me. While I am fighting, it feels pretty good, but later, when I am alone, it doesn't feel so good.

Last week, this kid from another high school came looking for me to fight. At first I was going to say no but all my friends were encouraging me to fight him -- not to mention a very large crowd that had gathered to watch the fight.

Well, we fought and the other kid ended up in the hospital with a broken jaw, broken nose and he might have a broken eye socket. The problem is the police are involved and I could end up getting charged with assault and battery. I can't understand why, because this kid came looking for me.

I really want to stop this behavior but when the adrenaline gets going and my friends start encouraging me, I can't stop and then I feel bad afterwards. Am I wrong for fighting these people if they come looking for me? Another thing is that when I'm fighting I get so mad that I forget what I am doing sometimes. -- Peter

DEAR PETER: Let's look at what is really happening here. First, this reputation you have built for yourself has made you kind of a hired gun who has gotten the attention of every other hired gun around. They hear rumors of how good you're supposed to be and can't resist the temptation to prove you wrong.

However, what you're doing is giving your so-called friends a thrill as they stand back and watch you beat the daylights out of someone. The truth is that some day, if you're the one getting the daylights beaten out of you, these friends will get the same thrill.

On the reality side, you are risking possibly killing or seriously hurting another person, going to jail or getting seriously hurt or killed yourself -- and for what?

You talk about losing control and not remembering what you did in some of these fights. That's nothing but rage. When people are enraged, they are capable of doing some pretty horrible things.

Get yourself into some anger-management counseling to learn how to deal with this rage. You should also re-evaluate these so-called friends and stop providing them entertainment at your expense.

Remember, you're 16 now but you can be tried as an adult if you hurt someone badly enough, so get your life back in control. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.