Supervisor's harassment no reason to make physical threat
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the September 1, 2008 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: About six months ago, I took a new job as a secretary. After taking the job, I found out that a woman named Janice had held the position for more than 10 years and was fired. Apparently, Janice was extremely popular with a lot of the people at the company, so her firing was not viewed well.

I was not exactly welcomed with open arms and it was rough for the first month or two. But eventually most people came to realize that it was not my fault that Janice lost her job -- with the exception of the woman who is in charge of all the secretaries. She has not let up one bit.

This woman is constantly on my back about everything. She blames me for mistakes others make and, when I try to explain myself, she does not want to hear it. I have explained the situation to my immediate supervisor, who is a man. He says he will talk to her but never seems to get around to it. Some of the other girls have told me that most of the men and women are scared of this lady because she is related to the vice president of the company.

The other day, she started in on me in front of all the other secretaries and would not let up. I finally blew up and told her off big time. I lost it so badly that I went so far as to physically threaten her, something I have never done before.

The problem is that I'm now in trouble and have to appear in front of the human resources director for a hearing. Word is that all they want to do is put a letter of reprimand for unprofessional conduct in my file for six months. Some of my co-workers say I should just take it and let it go, because if I fight it I could end up getting fired.

I do not want to be fired and I am sorry about losing it with this woman. However, don't I have a right to be angry at the way this woman has been treating me? -- Mary Gail

DEAR MARY GAIL: Yes you do have a right to be angry at the way this woman has been treating you but that does not excuse your threatening her. You are still responsible for your behavior. Threatening someone in the workplace today is taken especially seriously. Your employers have no choice but to act on this. Otherwise, if something were to happen, they could be held responsible.

I would suggest that you go into the hearing and see what they have to say. If, as you say, it's a six-month letter of reprimand, I would suggest that you apologize and take the punishment. However, then I would make an appointment with the human resources director and explain what has been going on with this woman. Let him know you think you are being harassed.

I would then suggest that you keep documentation of your interaction with her and keep human resources abreast of what is happening. If it continues, put a formal complaint in and let them handle it.

Finally, I would suggest that you look into taking an anger management course for your own good. If someone or something can push you to the point of making physical threats, it is obvious you could use some help with your anger response. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.