|
Teen's rage and reputation for fighting drawing him into trouble
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section
of the March 8, 2010 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're
interested in viewing other articles, click here.)
Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun
DEAR MIKE: I am 16 years old and a junior
in high school. I have always been very athletic, playing
football and baseball and wrestling, as well as other sports,
so I am always in pretty good physical shape. I have developed
a reputation of being a tough guy -- or at least that's what
my friends say.
It seems like I am in a fight at least once a week. Other
kids seem to come looking for me to fight because they want
to prove something. My friends keep telling me how cool it
is that I beat everyone who challenges me. While I am fighting,
it feels pretty good, but later, when I am alone, it doesn't
feel so good.
Last week, this kid from another high school came looking
for me to fight. At first I was going to say no but all my
friends were encouraging me to fight him -- not to mention
a very large crowd that had gathered to watch the fight.
Well, we fought and the other kid ended up in the hospital
with a broken jaw, broken nose and he might have a broken
eye socket. The problem is the police are involved and I could
end up getting charged with assault and battery. I can't understand
why, because this kid came looking for me.
I really want to stop this behavior but when the adrenaline
gets going and my friends start encouraging me, I can't stop
and then I feel bad afterwards. Am I wrong for fighting these
people if they come looking for me? Another thing is that
when I'm fighting I get so mad that I forget what I am doing
sometimes. -- Peter
DEAR PETER: Let's look at what is really
happening here. First, this reputation you have built for
yourself has made you kind of a hired gun who has gotten the
attention of every other hired gun around. They hear rumors
of how good you're supposed to be and can't resist the temptation
to prove you wrong.
However, what you're doing is giving your so-called
friends a thrill as they stand back and watch you beat the
daylights out of someone. The truth is that some day, if you're
the one getting the daylights beaten out of you, these friends
will get the same thrill.
On the reality side, you are risking possibly killing or
seriously hurting another person, going to jail or getting
seriously hurt or killed yourself -- and for what?
You talk about losing control and not remembering what you
did in some of these fights. That's nothing but rage. When
people are enraged, they are capable of doing some pretty
horrible things.
Get yourself into some anger-management counseling
to learn how to deal with this rage. You should also re-evaluate
these so-called friends and stop providing them entertainment
at your expense.
Remember, you're 16 now but you can be tried as an adult
if you hurt someone badly enough, so get your life back in
control. -- Mike
Michael Hayden is a certified anger management
counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling
in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com
or (978) 459-4884.
|