Abusive customers raise retail manager's hackles
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the December 7, 2009 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: Once again, I have gotten myself in trouble at work because of my temper and my big mouth. I work in retail and, believe it or not, I am a department manager who usually gets good reviews from my superiors.

However, once in a while I let things get to me. This isn't the first time I have been called on the carpet for losing my temper but it may be the last because my general manager has had it with me.

Whenever it happens, it's because I was defending one of my workers, who had to deal with an unruly customer. I never lose it with my workers -- just the customers who verbally attack them.

The latest incident was last week when I received a call for assistance in the toy department, where I found this rather large lady berating one of my clerks about a toy that was out of stock. When the clerk tried to tell me what was going on, this lady abruptly told her to shut up, that she would explain.

Well, hearing this lady talk to my clerk like that set me off and I proceeded to tell her off. The customer and I got into a pretty good shouting match, which ended when I said something stupid and inappropriate. I told the lady that she should not be shopping in the toy department, she should be shopping in the bath section for a scale.

Well, needless to say I was reported to the store manager. I had to write a letter of apology, I was suspended for three days and I am on probation for six months. The general manager told me I am lucky I didn't get fired and that this was the last chance I was getting. I cannot figure out why I keep doing this. What is wrong with me? -- Jennifer

DEAR JENNIFER: Rule #1 in anger management is "Looking at the Big Picture." Imagine yourself in a department store and you find that something that was advertised is not in stock. Wouldn't you feel frustrated? While this does not excuse the behavior of the customer, it will give you a better idea of where she is coming from.

Then you can use some assertive strategy when listening to the customer's complaints. Do something like ask the customer to step to the side, away from the clerk, and explain to her nicely that it is not the clerk's fault or yours that the store is out of that particular item. Try to get the customer calmed down before it gets to a screaming match. And never resort to calling names. That does not accomplish a thing.

It also sounds like you are very protective of the people who work for you. While that is a good thing, you must realize that without customers neither you nor your workers will have jobs. The next time you respond to a call for assistance, take a couple of deep breaths and respond a little more slowly so that you're not as emotional when you arrive on scene.

You also need to spend more time practicing Rule #3, which is "Listen." Try to listen to both sides before making any decisions. Also, it may be a good idea to get a second opinion on your response before rendering it.

Remember, while the customer may not always be right, the customer is always entitled to respect even if she isn't giving it. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.