Be sure of facts before taking on community officials
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the December 22, 2008 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I am writing because I am extremely angry at things that have been happening in my community the last few years. Last weekend, the situation pushed me to the boiling point.

The past few years I have noticed that certain people around town seem to get what appears to be extra services from the town that are not readily available to all the residents. When I first noticed it I mentioned it to one of my neighbors and he said, "Oh, that has been happening for years; there is nothing you can do about it," so I kind of let it go.

Lately, however, it seems to be getting worse. I see people put things out in front of their homes and mysteriously a town truck appears and takes them away. I have called town hall to inquire if this is a service readily available to all residents and was told, "Oh, we don't have a service like that; you must be mistaken."

I've also noticed a town backhoe, operated by a town worker, being used in someone's yard on a weekend. This resident seems to be close to one of our elected officials, as I have seen the official at this home on many different occasions.

But what really made my blood boil was what happened after the big ice storm, which knocked out most of the power in town. I went out for a ride on Saturday and saw town workers cutting trees on one elected official's property. I also noticed that the only place in town where I was able to see utility workers was in front of this guy's home.

I am not sure if it was one heck of a coincidence, but this official and his neighbors seemed to have their lights on well before any of the rest of the town.

I've talked to a few people in town and they are also upset. We want to do something about it. I had suggested that we picket this official's home to draw public attention to the situation but my wife was against that and suggested I write you for some advice. I am steaming and want to do something about this! -- Greg

DEAR GREG: Well, first of all, your wife is correct about not jumping the gun and picketing anyone's house. If these things are true, I would not blame you for being upset but let's not forget to look at the big picture.

You need to make sure that things you are seeing and alleging to be wrong are indeed what they appear to be. You want to make sure that none of these things were allowable exceptions to the rules in place.

The last thing you want to do is accuse someone of wrongdoing only to find out later that it was a big mistake.

I would strongly suggest that you do your homework, double-check it and then -- and only then -- go through the proper channels to find out if indeed something was done improperly.

You want to make sure that you do not get yourself into a libelous situation, which will land you in serious hot water. You also do not want to negatively affect someone's life about something that is not true.

This will only frustrate you further and make your anger more intense. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.