Co-worker's rudeness a problem for staff, clients
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the January 12, 2009 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I'm writing because my co-workers and I are having a problem with Dan, a guy who works with us. Dan is probably the most obnoxious, rude and inconsiderate person I have ever met.

In our jobs, we are called into other work settings to perform certain functions with clients. This requires us to interact with the staff at these facilities, as well as the clients. Having a good relationship with these other staff people is essential for us to perform our duties.

For some reason, Dan thinks he is superior to these people and talks to them like they are beneath him, which makes it difficult for the rest of us.

Recently, Dan gave a hard time to one such staff member who had just called our office for information -- so much so, that she was reluctant to call our office again. She approached me the other night with the request, which was no big deal. I was happy to find out the information by calling the office.

Dan happened to answer the phone and started complaining. I simply told him to be quiet and just get me the information. He continued to complain but did get me the information and I hung up. The staff member asked me how I was able to listen to all Dan's grief and still get the job done. I responded that I just tune him out and laughed. Well, this is sort of a lie because I really don't tune him out but I kind of ignore him. And, to be truthful, it does bother me sometimes.

The rest of the office staff and the staff at other facilities have asked me to show them how to handle Dan. I'm afraid if I show them how I do it, someone will not be able to handle it and something will happen. Do you have any advice I can follow? -- Charlie

DEAR CHARLIE: While you are to be commended for finding a way to deal with this difficult person, you're right -- doing it for too long or showing others how to do it will eventually cause problems for everyone.

The danger of just ignoring him and suppressing your reactions to him is called imploding. After a while, things will build and build and then finally explode. The response will come out like shrapnel and hit everyone and everything involved in the situation.

I would suggest the you gather others in the office, along with as many people as you can from the outside sites, and have a meeting about confronting this guy. In your plan, make sure you keep everything relevant to his work performance and stay away from personal attacks.

Pick couple of people from the group to meet with this guy to let him know how you all feel and how his actions are affecting all of you. In this meeting, you can give him an ultimatum to clean up his act and start treating people the right way or you, as a group, will go the your superiors.

The main thing to keep in mind is that this message is being delivered by the entire group and not just a few people who may not like this person for personal reasons. And be prepared to follow through with your plan if he does not comply. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.