One neighbor's trash is another one's boiling point
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the January 19, 2009 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: My business is located in a large office complex, which is composed of about a dozen different buildings. The problem involves the large trash Dumpsters that are in place for all the buildings.

Each set of office buildings has it own Dumpster. People are supposed to use the Dumpster assigned to their particular building. For the most part, they do. The biggest problem we have is after hours. People from outside come into the complex and fill the Dumpsters when no one is looking. They are not locked and I have recommended to the maintenance department that they should be.

The other night, one of the tenants in our building apparently received and assembled some office furniture and then disposed of the empty cartons in the wrong Dumpster. When I arrived at my office that evening to meet with a client, I found all these boxes piled in front of my door with a nasty note attached: The note read, "Use your own Dumpster or else," and was signed by the doctor in the next building. Several other tenants later told me they saw him leave the boxes at my dor.

I was shocked that this educated man would actually crawl into the Dumpster, pull out all those boxes and carry them to my door -- especially when I hadn't disposed of the boxes and didn't have anything to do with them.

I was so upset that I wanted to drag the stuff back over and put it in front of his door, with a note saying he should seek some psychological help. But I thought it through and decided not to do that.

Because of the nature of my schedule, I sometimes arrive at my office at odd hours of the day and night. I've found people from the outside filling this doctor's Dumpster and have chased them away. I feel that this guy is really out of line and I need to respond to it.

Do you have any suggestions or do you think I am making something out of nothing? -- Hector

DEAR HECTOR: It sounds like you people are on the verge of a "condo war," a dispute that threatens the orderly running of the condo association. If you haven't already done so, my first suggestion would be to approach this person and attempt to work it out with him. If you have already approached him or if he is not receptive, I would then turn it over to the association board and ask them to intervene.

I will agree that the thought of a person crawling into a Dumpster to drag out cardboard boxes to make a point does seem a bit bizarre. But make sure to look at the big picture. This individual may have been saddled with some very high trash bills in the past, making him watch things a little more closely, or maybe he was not able to get his trash into the Dumpster because some unauthorized person had used all the space available.

As far as chasing people away from his Dumpster after hours, I would recommend locking your own Dumpster and letting him worry about his. Getting into a heated confrontation with someone who lets things upset him this much can only lead to disaster. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.