Co-worker's rudeness makes life tough for service rep
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the June 7, 2010 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I'm having a problem with a co-worker because of her rudeness and anger, which, ironically, is making me angry.

Ann and I have been working together for about three years. She has always had an abrasive style but I've managed to handle it -- until lately.

The type of work we are involved in requires us to go out in the community and service people's needs. We interact with all kinds of professionals, as well as clients.

When I first met Ann, I noticed that while she was extremely competent at her job, her people skills left a lot to be desired. She thinks nothing of telling someone off and it doesn't matter who it is.

One day, we were together on a service call. Upon arrival, we discovered the information we had received about the situation was far from accurate. It even angered me.

However, instead of trying to get the correct information, Ann decided to march into the CEO's office and tell him what she thought of his incompetent help. I was embarrassed and I knew that the CEO would file a complaint.

Some might say, "Well, that's her problem," but now I have to go back and work with these people because they refuse to let her into their building.

She did get reprimanded and was good for a while, but then it was back to the same old Ann. The other day, it was my turn to get a tongue-lashing and she went off on me in front of others. I maintained my composure and did not respond to her tirade. Instead, I approached her later in private. She gave me the usual excuses about things going wrong in her life and how no one understands her. But she never really apologized.

I am not sure how much more of this I can take. My husband says I should talk to the boss but then I would be throwing her under the bus. However, the customers are complaining to me about it and I see it affecting all of us.

Do you have any suggestions before I lose it? -- Janet

DEAR JANET: First of all, I would not worry about throwing good old Ann under the bus because it sounds like she is the bus and is running everyone over. There comes a time when excuses for bad behavior no longer cut it and it is time to take responsibility.

Here are a couple of things you might consider. Find out if the company has an employee-assistance program and if it does, recommend to Ann that she seek out some counseling through the EAP to help her with the non-work problems. Next, let her know -- without saying directly who -- that customers are complaining to you and that eventually these complaints will find their way to the higher-ups in the company.

Last, but not least, tell her that you have had enough of her abuse, both of you and the customers.

If she does not do something about her behavior, you will have no choice but to talk to the boss. Holding this anger in will get the best of you if you don't do something. There is no excuse for abusing people. It creates a hostile work environment and in today's world that will not be tolerated. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.