Verbal abuse is wrong response to incompetent clerks
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the June 21, 2010 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I have always been somewhat outspoken, having no problem with saying what is on my mind and not caring who likes it or who doesn't. My father always told me, "Son, speak your mind and never worry about who is listening," so that is what I have done.

Lately my wife has been complaining that I am getting much too aggressive with people. The other night we went to one of the large chain hardware stores looking for something in the electrical department. When I could not locate the product, I stopped a clerk and asked him; his response was less than helpful and I let him know about it in no uncertain terms.

I finally found the item and we went to another department looking for something else. Again, when I could not find it, I asked another clerk who stood there and stared at me like I had my head on backwards and said nothing.

I became very upset and I will admit I raised my voice a bit. Other people in the store took notice, so I figured it was a good time to let everyone around me know about the incompetent help this store was hiring.

At this point, the clerk decided he was going to give me a piece of his mind and we ended up in a shouting match, which caused managers to come running to his rescue. They told me I had to leave the store and could only come back when I cooled down.

Needless to say my wife was furious but I do not see how I did anything wrong. If the store had hired and trained competent people, this would not have happened.

My wife says I am out of control; I do not think I am. Did I have the right to become angry and start yelling in the store? -- Harry

DEAR HARRY: The answer to your question is yes, you did have a right to become angry. However, you were way off base with your response. Your wife makes a good point. It's your response to the anger that is out of control.

While I sympathize with you about these big stores in regard to how they train their staff, what you are doing is shooting the messenger and not going to the source. The clerk alone is not capable of training himself. That's up to management. You should have asked to speak to a manager before you got out of control.

The managers who arrived after you started screaming had only one goal in mind: to calm the situation down. It was apparent that they saw you as volatile and figured they had to get you out of the store before something physical happened.

There are a couple of things you can do. One is to write a letter to the store manager asking to meet with him and explain your situation. The other is to find another store that does train its staff correctly. I also don't think when your father told you to speak your mind that he meant for you to start abusing others.

Remember, there is no excuse for abuse and you were definitely abusing those clerks. Good luck -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.