Neighbors fear verbally abusive mom will hurt children
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the June 22, 2009 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: My wife and I are at our wits' end about a situation in our neighborhood. There is a family that lives near us with two children who seem to be very nice kids. The mother works full-time while the kids are in school. The father, on the other hand, is not around very much because he works two jobs.

The problem is the mother's vicious temper toward her children and everything else. She is constantly screaming at these children. It doesn't matter where she is. If you walk into the local grocery store and she's there, she can be heard screaming at the top of her lungs at these kids. If you call the house to speak to the husband, all you can hear in the background is her screaming at the two children.

It has gotten so bad that none of the other parents in the neighborhood will participate in a car pool with her because she screams at her kids the entire time she is in the car. I feel for the woman because it is obvious that she is stressed to the max. At the same time, though, I am very concerned about the children's welfare.

The woman recently found out that she is going to be laid off from her job, which I know will put even more stress on her and the family. I am afraid something serious may happen to these kids if this woman gets even more stressed out.

I was talking with a couple of parents in the neighborhood and they're concerned, too. But we all agree that if the abuse were physical and the kids had bruises and welts all over them it would be easy to make a call to social services. Since it's only verbal abuse, I don't think it would qualify to have something done.

We are stumped as how to approach this. Can you suggest anything we can do before something horrible happens? -- David

DEAR DAVID: First of all, something horrible is already happening from what you are saying. Abuse is abuse, verbal or physical -- it does not matter. And you're right - things are likely to get worse if nothing is done. It sounds like the woman could be on the verge of a breakdown from all the stress she is under.

One avenue of approach could be the school the children attend. Someone needs to contact the guidance department about what is being observed in the neighborhood. Counselors could talk to the children and see if they can get a handle on what is going on at home. It's possible the situation is having an impact on their performance in school.

The family's church and clergymen are another avenue that could be looked into for some type of intervention.

If all else fails, a confidential call placed to social services about the verbal abuse could trigger an investigation that would result in services being provided to this family to help them through this trying time.

If all the people concerned in the neighborhood put their heads together and the motive is to help this family, I am sure you will come up with a plan. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.