Woman snoops on cheating sister
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the March 15, 2010 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: My older sister has always done exactly what she wants to do, regardless of whom or what it affects. I've learned to live with her attitude because she's my only sibling but recently, I think, she overstepped all the boundaries.

She is married to a really sweet guy named Jim, who simply adores her. They have two wonderful little girls, ages 2 and 4, whom I love to baby-sit.

Last weekend, my brother-in-law was out of town on business and my sister asked me to watch the kids because she was going out with her girlfriends to a sports bar. When I arrived at the house, I found her dressed to the kill -- almost as if she were going to a formal dinner and not a sports bar. I mentioned something about it and she just about took my head off and told me I was there to baby-sit, not to question her.

After she left and the girls went to sleep, curiosity got the better of me and I started snooping around her bedroom. What I found blew me away. In her jewelry box, I found pictures of her and this other guy hugging and kissing. This made me absolute insane with anger, so I got on her computer (I know her password) and found all kinds of racy e-mails between her and this guy.

When she came home at 5 a.m., I confronted her about this. She flipped out and told me if I said a word I would never see my nieces again.

I'm extremely upset because my brother-in-law is such a nice guy and he would be crushed if he knew what was going on. I am so upset with my sister that I haven't been able to get a decent night's sleep since. Do you think I am wrong to be angry with her over this? -- Karen

DEAR KAREN: First of all, you have the right to be angry about anything because it is an emotional reaction. On the other hand, you are responsible for how you respond to that emotion. If what you say is true, I think most people would feel angry, because what you say is going on is very inappropriate.

But what you have done in gathering the information you have is a very inappropriate way of dealing with that anger. Going through someone's belongings and snooping on their computer is nothing short of invasion of privacy. While I am in no way supporting your sister's actions, I am not supporting yours either. You're both wrong.

Try to talk to your sister about this. Tell her that while it is not your place to say anything, if your brother-in-law ever asks, you are not going to lie. Yes, you run the risk that she will not let you see your nieces again, but again, it's your choice. Then you have to let it go and see what happens -- because if you don't, you will never get a good night's sleep. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.