Wife out of patience with man's consumer outrage
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the May 19, 2008 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I am writing because I believe my husband's anger is out of control. I have gotten to the point that I don't want to go shopping with him any longer. He has no problem telling the people in a store exactly what he thinks of their store and their service.

The other day, we went to a large chain store looking for a particular item that was advertised in the weekly circular. However, even before we arrived, he was getting ready for a battle. He said he was willing to wager that the advertised item would not be there. I tried to tell him to have faith, but all he would say is, "They do this deliberately to get you into the store to buy the more expensive item."

Well, upon arriving at the store he immediately corraled the first sales clerk he saw and asked him if the store had the item that was advertised in the circular. When the clerk responded he would have to check, my husband right away went into attack mode.

He started ranting and raving that this was a set-up, that the store never had the item and that it was the same old trick. The clerk tried to reason with him, telling him that he would go back in the storeroom and look.

My husband then demanded to see the store manager, whom the clerk promptly called on his radio. The manager arrived and my husband started right in on him. Meanwhile, the clerk disappeared into the back room (I assume to look for the item) and my husband took that as the clerk running away.

Well, to my surprise, while my husband was reading the riot act to the manager, the clerk emerged from the back room with the item. Now you would think that my husband would offer an apology. No. He told the manager that if the clerk had known they had the item when he first asked, all this would have been avoided.

How can I get my husband to slow down and give people a chance and stop thinking everyone is out to get him? -- Marybeth

DEAR MARYBETH: I guess your husband has never heard the saying, "Don't shoot the messenger." That's what he's doing by attaking the clerk.

I can sympathize with him as far as getting angry when big stores put things on sale and have a limited number of them or, in some cases, may never have had any of those particular products. However, beating up on the clerk is not the answer.

You cannot control his behavior. But telling him you will no longer go shopping with him may be the way to get him to realize that his behavior is only hurting him.

Tell him if he wants to complain to someone to go directly to the store manager. But also remind him that he should do his homework first and find out if the store actually has the item in stock. A simple call to the store could confirm that. Then, if he gets there and they don't have it, ask to see the manager and speak to him like a professional, not some street thug. He will find he will get much better results.

You might also want to remind hubby that "if you go looking for the negative, you will find it." Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.