Lawyer has no reason to feel guilty about prosperity
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the May 8, 2006 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I am a 40-year-old man happily married with two young children and a very successful criminal law practice that affords me a lot of luxuries in life. My wife and I get along very well, our children seem very well adjusted and we are all in good health. When I was growing up, my family did not have a lot in the way of material things; however, my parents always gave us lots of love and made sure we had life essentials, such as clothing, food and shelter. There were times at school when other kids would make fun of us, but my mother and father always told us that being poor was nothing to be ashamed of. They also said we should always try to help those less fortunate than we were.

Upon graduation I received a scholarship to college, and then I worked my way through law school nights. I decided to practice criminal law for two reasons -- first, because it was exciting and second, because I get the chance to help the less fortunate. I have done well financially defending some wealthy clients, which has afforded me an opportunity to help some less-fortunate clients.

The problem is that in the last year I have been losing my temper with prosecutors, court personnel and even judges. This has cost me dearly with fines for contempt, threats of jail and now it is starting to affect my clients.

I cannot understand why all of a sudden I am getting so out of control with these people. I have nothing personally against any of them. In fact, I have known many of them for years. I do not like what I am turning into. How can I put a stop to this behavior? -- Stan

DEAR STAN: Let's broaden the picture here and look at where your mind is and what messages you are receiving. You stated that one of the things your parents taught you was always to help those less fortunate than yourself. This was a very strong message that came from people you not only loved but admired, and it was a good message.

However, you seemed to have taken this message to mean that your personal success is causing others to have less. You seem to be trying to punish yourself for being successful by becoming overly passionate with these pro-bono cases. It also looks like you have drawn a line that has you as the savior of the poor against the entire judicial system.

I suggest you prioritize these cases. Look at them as you would judge any other case on its merits. This does not mean you cannot fight hard for your client. However, it also does not mean you need to get into a personal battle with the others in the court who are only doing their jobs.

You need to realize that the things that you have received have come from hard work and are well-deserved. Make a list of what you have sacrificed, what your family has sacrificed while you where earning this money and I believe you will see it was well-deserved. Your parents taught you well but I do not think their intention was ever for you to make a martyr out of yourself for those who are less fortunate than you.

Finally, practice time management when dealing with court personnel, because you are right: Your behavior can affect your clients. Remember, the people working in these courts are human too. Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.