Husband's explosive anger could be dangerous to his health
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the November 17, 2008 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I have always had a problem with the way my husband displays his anger in public but now it's starting to worry me. Charlie thinks nothing of saying whatever is on his mind, especially when he is angry.

For years I have tried to talk to him about it but he just says that's the way he is and besides, at 71, it is too late to change now. Over the 40 years we have been married, I could not tell you the number of times that I have been embarrassed by his outbursts. My friends always say to me, "Mary, you have a special place in heaven after putting up with him."

That's not why I'm worried, though. It's because he has extremely high blood pressure and a couple of years ago he had a minor stroke. His doctor told him it is a miracle he did not have any real lasting damage but always cautions him that he may not be so lucky next time.

When he gets upset, he just goes off and you can see it taking effect on him. After he has gone through his rampage, his face is all flushed, his hands are shaking and many times he has to sit down to get himself composed. I am fearful that one of these days he is going to explode and drop dead from a heart attack.

He reads your column all the time and seems to enjoy your advice. I was wondering if there is anything you can tell this stubborn old man that would make him listen? As much of a pain as he can be, I love him dearly and don't want to lose him because of his temper. -- Mary

DEAR MARY: Well, I appreciate that Charlie enjoys my column and yes, I do have some advice for him.
There are two kinds of people who respond to their anger in ways that could be dangerous to their health. These people are referred to as either exploders or imploders. It sounds like Charlie falls into the exploder category.

Exploders are the people who go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds over something that angered them. They end up spraying everyone around them with their rage and usually in a few minutes they are fine and cannot understand why everyone else is upset. They do not look at the big picture. In fact, they do not look at any picture. They just explode.

This is extremely dangerous to one's health, especially someone who has a history of high blood pressure. It is equivalent to going out to start your car on a cold morning, putting the pedal to the floor and just racing the dickens out of the engine. You might get away with this when the car is new but, as it gets older, it increases the chance you'll blow the engine.

Charlie needs to stop and look at the big picture or he is going to blow his engine -- his heart. It would make a lot more sense to stop and figure out what it is exactly he's upset with first, before responding. This will be a lot easier on his heart and a lot easier on other people's feelings.

So Charlie, stop and look at the big picture and that way you will be around a lot longer to enjoy reading this column. Thanks. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Send questions to him at Stressunit@aol.com or send mail to: Stress Unit, c/o The Editor, Box 1477, Lowell, MA 01853.