Put the brakes on driving while angry
(this article was first published in the LifeStyles section of the September 21, 2009 edition of the Lowell Sun. If you're interested in viewing other articles, click here.)

Stress Unit
By MICHAEL HAYDEN, Sun Correspondent
Lowell Sun

DEAR MIKE: I am writing because I am concerned about my 81-year-old father's anger, especially when driving. Thankfully he is still an excellent driver and has no problem seeing and following the rules of the road.

The problem is road rage. He gets so angry when the slightest thing happens, a driver cutting him off or beeping the horn, because he is driving slowly. Last week I was following him to the mechanics so he could drop off his car, when an incident occurred that really shocked me. A young driver happened to blow his horn at my father because he was not moving fast enough for him. My father, in response, throws this kid a hand gesture which was not meant to say hello. As luck would have it, we all end up at the same red light and this young punk decides he is going to say something to my father and the next thing I know they are toe to toe. I was horrified. I jumped out of my car and ran to my father's aid only to hear him telling this kid how he was going to teach him a lesson in manners. He actually started in the kids direction making gestures like he was going to assault him. The kid backed up, but kept agitating my father with his words. Thankfully a couple of men exited their cars and came over to quell the situation and we moved on.

I tried telling my father how dangerous his actions were, but he kept saying "in my day honey that kid would have been eating soup through a straw for six months." He just does not get it. My father was no slouch in his day and had a reputation of being able to handle himself, but that was years ago. I am scared to death that one of these days he is going to do something like this and end up seriously injured or killed. How can I convince him that his fighting days are over and he needs to ignore people like this? -- Karen

DEAR KAREN: Well Karen, the first thing you need to do is convince your father to listen to his words "back in my day" and understand that his day is past. Try to get him to understand that his behavior is extremely dangerous and could land him in a lot of trouble.

The fact that he is 81 years old does not excuse him from breaking the law by threatening someone even if they are 60 years younger. He could face charges and be arrested if the person decided to call the police. As you mentioned, if he taunts someone who doesn't respect elders or is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, such actions could get him seriously hurt or even killed.

Then there is the civil side. If he was to hit someone or engage in physical or verbal abuse that harmed a stranger, he could get sued. It would probably be wise to contact your local senior center and inquire about counseling or maybe an anger management group for Dad to join.

Bottom line: Your father needs to start acting his age and stop living in the past before road rage becomes a real tragedy.

Good luck. -- Mike

Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at stressunit@aol.com or (978) 459-4884.